STEP by STEP

Today is the day we celebrate mothers all around the world. It’s a beautiful day filled with joy, laughter and lots of smiles; a day to appreciate the person who gave us life. A day to honor the sacrifice that Mom’s make for their entire lives. For those children who’s Mother has gained her wings, today is a hard day. We celebrate the life our Mom’s lived and cherish the memories we have, remembering dancing in the kitchen, and singing the silly songs, and the laughter that filled the room; her beautiful spirit always dwelling inside of us.

And still, for some of us who have outlived a child, today is a hard day.

Today is a bittersweet day for me, personally. Three years ago today, I learned of my firstborn son’s death, and I began a traumatic journey of living my life without one of my children. Three years ago today, my world stopped spinning, and I had to learn to navigate unchartered waters. My journey has not been easy. Burying my child almost took me down.

But God…

My friend Betsy always says, “I love the buts of the Bible.” Because we know that by the grace and mercy of God, we are able to accomplish the impossible. By God’s grace, I’m still standing. He has never left my side, and has allowed me to experience HIM in a way I never have before. God spoke to my heart and let me know Rob was with Him, and that Rob’s face will be the first face I see when I get to the other side.

God has blessed me with a faithful, God-fearing husband who loves me unconditionally, who has been my rock. He has blessed me with two other beautiful children and their amazing spouses. And He has truly blessed our family with our first grandchild on the way.

God has brought other grieving moms into my life, where we can share our loss together, knowing that we are not alone on this difficult journey. He has brought incredible friends into my life who have walked with me, and who have lifted my arms when I couldn’t lift them myself; friends who prayed with and for me when I was too tired, or too angry, or too sad, or too bitter to pray.

God doesn’t leave us to travel this treacherous road alone. He stays with us, and He sends others to remind us He’s still here. Lean on Him during the difficult moments.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

~Psalm 34:18 [NLT]

And so, from the bottom of my heart, I want to wish all mother’s out there a very Happy Mother’s Day. To all the mom’s who have lost a child, I want to remind you, that you will see your child’s face again, and it will be the most joyous beginning of your new life in Heaven.

Peace be with you.
Julia

I awoke to the pitter patter of rain drops rather than the anticipated sound of chirping birds. My eyes adjusted to another dark, drizzly Monday. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. I don’t generally like the first day of the week. It means the weekend is over. Time of rest and relaxation has come to an end. Back to a new week of work and toil. The Monday Blues take over as I get ready for my day.


The Monday’s of this past year have been especially hard after the tragic loss of my first born son. Grief is such a strange thing. You never know when it’s going to creep in and take over your emotions.
 This Monday was no different. I did my best not to show my sadness, but my husband can always see the pain in my eyes. Sitting in silence for most of the morning was commonplace; I don’t talk much when I’m blue. On my way out the door to start my Blue Monday, Mike stated: “It’s Monday. Make it a great day.” 
To which I responded, “I have the Monday Blues.” 
He looked at me, his eyes peering over the brim of his glasses, and said: “Pick a different color.”


Pick. A. Different. Color. 

So simple and yet so profound. 
I meditated on this statement all morning. Can it really be that simple? 
Thinking about bright yellows and brilliant oranges got my mind off my blues. I spent the 30 minute drive to work pondering the endless color choices in order to replace this blue Monday with a brighter shade. My Monday commute normally involves wiping hot tears from my cheeks. But this Monday was different, as I thought about colors, I could be clever with my choice, and Mauve came to mind. Mauve Monday. But I’m not a big Mauve fan; that hue of pink just didn’t seem to fit my personality. This was a very serious decision, one with which I had to be extremely careful. I needed to pick just the right color to take over my Monday Blues.


During lunch, I Googled the meanings of colors, and I found a color wheel with hundreds of different colors and their corresponding traits. I quickly passed over purple, but did a double take when glancing over the attributes. Purple.

Purple Monday. 

Purple is a product of blue combined with red; a tiny change in one creates something new. Attributes of the color purple are creativity, wealth, peace, wisdom, and my favorite: royalty. Okay…I like where this is going. Upon further investigation, I found lighter shades of purple are often used to soothe or calm the spirit. Yes…purple is my new Monday color.

I’m positive my husband did not intend for me to go this deep, but it seems that’s what I do these days. I go deep. His statement was so serious I felt a huge responsibility to give it weighty thought.


What exactly is my point, you ask?
 If you don’t like the way something is going, you DO have the choice to change it. You DO NOT have to settle in on sadness when it truly destroys your whole day. It all comes down to choice. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking. We cannot always control our emotions like that…they cannot be turned on and off like a faucet. That is true. What I am saying is, consider making a choice to do something else. Make a tiny change. It won’t always work, but you have to try. Staying stuck in the same place, doing the same thing over and over again is bondage. Mike’s simple statement made me realize I was bound to my sadness every Monday morning. But the idea of changing the way we look at our situations give us small victory after small victory, and pretty soon, we will wake up to a peaceful Purple Monday rather than the blue Monday we’ve grown so accustomed.

So go ahead and give yourself permission to choose a different color.

It is going to take some time to get used to this new heart response, but I can tell you that for today, this Monday was not filled with the blues.

And I came home to witness a momma deer give birth to her brand new baby fawn in the field beyond our fence. A truly miraculous experience and a perfect end to my Purple Monday.


Peace

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

My sister and I used play a childhood game where we called each other food names as insults.  The more unappealing the food, the harsher the insult. When Ronda called me a “Brussel Sprout!” I would respond with “Spinach!” Using harsh tone of voice, we accentuated the syllables to really drive the insult home. We got creative, elongating the food name, such as “Green bean casserole” or “Liver and Onions” giving the slur more punch. We laughed as we pretended to be offended by the food name.

While pretending to hurt each other’s feelings with food names is innocent and silly, real insults and harsh words pierce our soul and crush our spirit, leaving gaping wounds on our heart too deep for an “I’m sorry” Band-Aid.

I witnessed a woman whose posture changed from standing tall and confident to shrugged shoulders with her eyes averted to the ground. Her smile became a frown in seconds as the word “useless” penetrated her heart, reminding me of David’s lament in Palm 42:10(TLB)

“Their taunts pierce me like a fatal wound;”

The old adage Sticks and Stones was used to encourage children to ignore insults and refrain from retaliation. Our world today is much different from the late 1800’s when this phrase made its first appearance in our conversations.  Unfortunately, people tear others down in order to elevate themselves, causing unhealed wounds to take bitter roots deep into unforgiving soil.

Let us all try to use our words to encourage and empower one another, remembering the elementary truth if we don’t have anything nice to say, then we shouldn’t say anything at all.

“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 NLT

Peace be with you.

Julia

“Do not be lazy, but work hard, serving the Lord with all your heart.” Romans 12:11 NCV

For 20 years, I have spoken the same words to my family as they start their day:  “Be Excellent!”

This wisdom came from Bill and Ted, who took an Excellent Adventure into the past in order to save their history grade. Receiving help from a time traveler, they used the time machine to trek to several historical events. They returned with significant figures in history to help complete their final, and most excellent presentation.

Twenty years later, my understanding of this wisdom is gleaned from the Bible (Proverbs 2:6 NIV) rather than Bill and Ted.

The truth is we are all called to excellence.

God made us with excellence (Ephesians 2:10 NLT) and He expects us to be the best us that we can be, giving 110% in everything we do. The above scripture doesn’t say, “If we feel like it, maybe we can work up to mediocrity and settle for good enough.”

Too often, we tackle difficult tasks that require more planning, time and effort than expected. Rather than focusing on the task at hand, we try to balance too much. We become frustrated as our deadlines approach, at which time we decide good is enough.

When we put in mediocre work, we get mediocre results, and set the example that average is acceptable.

Kensington Community Church is a place of brilliance. They use visual and performing arts to bring the gospel message to seekers. Excellence was expected and non-negotiable. While on staff at KCC I learned from example how to go beyond good until I found GREAT in every task I was given.

Good enough is mediocre.  Great is excellent.

So, be excellent!

Julia